Billie Eilish reflects on her past battle with depression.
In an interview with Gayle King that aired on Thursday, the “When the Party’s Over” singer opened up about 2018, when she nearly committed suicide.
“I was so unhappy last year,” the musician – who turned 18 in December – told King about 2018. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless. I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”
When the two discussed the pop star’s song “Bury a Friend” — in which Billie sings, “I wanna end me” — King asked if Eilish actually contemplated this thought.
“Yeah,” the musician answered. “I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it.”
Eilish credits her mom, Maggie Baird, with saving her life.
With support from therapists and her family, the Grammy nominee is now in a better state of mind and helps fans who are dealing with similar issues.
“I just grab [the fans] by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further,’” she remarked.
Additionally, Baird says her daughter’s “fans and the shows” keep her on a good path.
Eilish is set to perform at the 2020 Grammys on Sunday, January 26.