Demi Lovato refuses to be defined by her past.
In a revealing new interview with Zane Lowe, the “Sorry Not Sorry” singer opens up about her July 2018 overdose, which led to both hospital and rehab stays.
While reflecting on her new track “Anyone” — the vocals of which were recorded four days before the overdose — the 27-year-old says the song foreshadowed the struggles she would eventually endure.
"I recorded the vocals for it four days before [the overdose]. The lyrics took on a totally different meaning [after]. At the time when I was recording it, I almost listened back and hear these lyrics as a cry for help,” the musician explained. “You kind of listen back to it and you kind of think, how did nobody listen to this song and think, 'Let's help this girl?’”
She continued, “I even think that I was recording it in a state of mind where I felt like I was okay, but clearly I wasn't. I even listened back to it and I'm like, 'Gosh, I wish I could go back in time and help that version of myself.' I feel like I was in denial."
Though it is still a “process,” the former Disney star is slowly but surely coming to terms with what happened.
"I'm in the process of becoming more and more ready as time goes by. I think it's taken me a long time to be able to even get this far, which is performing ['Anyone' at the Grammys] that's so vulnerable to me on a stage in front of all my peers and coworkers, even people that I look up to,” she remarked. “That's kind of nerve-racking to think about. But at the same time I'm grateful that I have this opportunity to sit here and talk to you and tell a little bit of my story.”
To prevent another relapse, Lovato is making adjustments to her social media use and performance schedule.
"Something that I've done already is take off the tags on Instagram. So I can't see what people tag me in — I'm pretty sure I've taken off the comments on everything, too,” she admitted.
She added, “Something I've dealt with in the past is having these really incredible experiences like the Grammys or tour or concerts or things like that. I have to be aware of like, okay, I'm going to crash because my adrenaline is going to go all weekend, and then I'm going to have this performance. Whether it goes great or not, my adrenaline is going to come crashing down come Monday morning. So it's definitely something I've talked to my team about like, 'Hey, we should be cautious... 'I might crash on Monday. Let's take precautions. Maybe I do more meditating on Monday,' or whatever it is. 'Maybe I have more therapy or support.’”
As for the future, Lovato is excited to release new music, and potentially start a family sometime in the next 10 years.
"When I think of my future for the decade, I think at some point in this decade I want to start a family,” she said. “That would be dope.”
Overall, "My success is not... [It doesn't] measure my happiness. When I think about what makes me happy today, I think about my family. I think about my friends. I think about my team. I think about people that — connections, soul connections. Meaningful relationships, exactly.”