Ricky Dillon hopes his story “can help so many people out there.”
In a video titled “I’m Gay” published Wednesday, the YouTube star candidly opens up about his sexuality.
While admitting he is “1000 percent gay,” the vlogger revealed he “wanted to come out years ago” but was “terrified” of how his religious family would react.
“It was drilled into my brain from an early age that being gay is one of the worst things that could happen,” he explained. “I am so terrified [my family’s] not going to accept me for being gay, because I know their beliefs.”
Though the social media personality says he had a “great childhood” with “great parents,” being homosexual is “something they don’t believe in.”
“There’s still so much of the world that is very homophobic and hateful and thinks that being gay is a lifestyle or something you choose. I did not choose to be depressed and have crippling anxiety over this for three years. Do I think I’d want to choose to have a lifestyle that makes me in the worst state of mind I could possibly be in?” he added.
While he “tried so hard to be straight” and had 12 girlfriends throughout his romantic history, these relationships “could not have been more wrong and awkward.”
As to why he is coming out now, Dillon says he “can’t move forward” personally or professionally if he is not honest about his true self.
Ricky also addresses a 2016 video where he said he was asexual — which was later recanted in a February 2019 clip.
In regards to that reveal, Dillon believes he did not have any sexual feelings toward anyone because he didn’t “have any attraction to girls.”
“It led me to thinking that I might be asexual, which yes, I did make a video — four years ago now I think — where I talked about my sexuality and how I think that I’m asexual, because my mind had somehow convinced myself that being gay is off the table and there’s no way I could be gay,” he divulged.
These days, Dillon is accepting of his sexuality, and has “never been so sure of anything” in his life.
“I've been with several guys now and it’s the most natural and comfortable thing ever. It just clicks. It all makes sense and it feels right and I finally feel like I’m myself.”
Watch the emotional video (below):