Chrissy Teigen is expressing remorse for how she reacted to her devastating miscarriage in September of last year.
Thursday on Instagram, the “Chrissy’s Court” star shared behind-the-scenes pictures from “Wild,” husband John Legend’s music video in which the couple announced their third pregnancy.
“These are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks,” Teigen wrote, adding that she doesn’t think she can watch the music video again without crying.
Teigen and Legend lost their third child, a boy named Jack, after she was diagnosed with partial placenta abruption, in spite of receiving multiple blood transfusions.
In the caption, Teigen adds she didn’t look at Jack’s face, which she regrets to this day.
“I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse,” she wrote.
“This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule.”
Despite her pain, Teigen is grateful for the support she has received about her and Legend’s loss.
“Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. and I love you jack. I miss you so so much,” she concluded the message.
After losing her baby, Teigen posted emotional photos in which she and Legend are seen embracing Jack in the hospital.
Though she and Legend “never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment,” the two “had started to call this little guy” Jack while in utero.
“So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever.”
Teigen and Legend are also the parents of daughter Luna Simone, 4, and son Miles Theodore, 2.